As debilitating as it is I must, though almost unwilling, carry the burden of one cumbersome challenge that is hovering in my life now. Like a train marooned in one dark station, I feel like more of it being derailed and unable to act properly.Some people say that in life it is inevitable to escape major setbacks wherein one would endure some unbearable trials and yes, this is the certain scenario which I am into. As positive people would always say, “God will not give you a challenge unless you’re incapacitated to surpass it.” Cliche as it may sound but I do also believe in it making it as my mantra from now on.


photo grabbed from the net.

Many of you my dear readers perhaps are being puzzled about what I am talking about. This is all about a problem that seems not to go away, problem that seems endless. Though, it is not about me nor about my personal frustrations still it pains me a lot more than I should. I hear many people say especially the elderly that it is better to go through a financial crisis than to endure a certain sickness in the family. Yes, I’m pertaining about health problems in particular.

Who could stand the torment seeing one of your family members being tortured by a dismal illness? It’s been months that we stayed and frequented the hospital after my brother was diagnosed with Major Depression.


Photo grabbed from the net.

“Why on billions of people this specific disorder seems to hit my brother?” that is the question often recurring in my thoughts. Are we too sinful to face this kind of specific challenge? Those were the illogical thinking I have made when first faced with the enigma of this trouble. I can’t blame myself to react like this and that because I am too worried and so are my family members. With same horrible puzzlement, my family and I were like floating in an unthinkable uncertainty.

The Depression…

photo grabbed from the net.

photo grabbed from the net.

My brother had a number of concerns, some were his frustrations, his wants and many of illogical ideas he wanted to do for the better of him. He seems envious about the victory of others and wants to do it the same way for himself. He has a growing concern about the status of our family, the health of my father and some of the troubles which before he tends to ignore.

We are caught unaware of his apprehensions that we neglect and became confused about the way he sees things. He worried much about his future especially about getting a job. He was jobless and he pity himself for that. He was constantly sad until he finds all things boring and has no life at all. The pleasure he gets from things he used to enjoy before was gone. He seems hopeless, useless and worthless that he developed inhibitions of terminating his existence. He thought of jumping at the building and several ideas of inflicting harm to his own self. He can’t sleep for several weeks causing him to be restless and agitated. He also had episodes of psychosis like delusions or wrong beliefs and by that we made him confined at the hospital.

The road to recovery…

From the combination of anti-psychotic and anti-depressant drugs somehow we found relief. But the process is such a long and vexing one. All the worries, fear and confusion while my brother is under medication is squeezing the life out of us. Good thing he responded with the prescription his psyche doctor has made. The thread like hope that my family members used to breathe has flourished making us believe that we can push through.We kept our faith glowing that by each minute we turn to God asking for divine assistance. I believe that by his intervention we got the miracle we are asking for. My brother is well now and by continuous medication…may it be by psychotherapy or by drugs I hope that everything will go back to normalcy.


photo grabbed from the net.

During the chaos, we feel the hands of God carefully embracing us. We feel the ignition of hope brought by him and along the way there were angels in human form who helped us. God is really with us during that unimaginable trouble.

Going back on the track…

What we are going through is physically, mentally, emotionally and financially draining. But slowly I’m picking myself up again so I could also return from the usual. We are overwhelmed by this problem that each of our family member feels depressed too. Now as we walk forward we hope that everything will be okay. It’s such a relief to share what we’ve been through, it feels utterly therapeutic.

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9 responses to “SentiMENTAL…

  1. I could just imagine the kind of pain that’s tearing you right now, bro. Sometimes, there’s nothing really more emotionally agonizing than seeing your loved ones tormented and helpless.

    However it may be, I am at ease to know that you have a positive take on this plight. With your faith and optimism, I am sure that you will be able to cope with the situation no matter what.

    Thank you, bro, for sharing…I am so with you on saying that writing is therapeutic. Anyway, I am fervently hoping that your brother will gonna get past the predicament he is into through your and family’s support.

    • yes bro, I haven’t write it in detail as to what we have experienced about my brother’s illness.But good thing he is okay now and coping..

      I feel so empty the past months that I can’t even look at my WP account.I’m grateful that once in a while brothers like you always drop by and leave inspiring know how that helps bro.

      I know that God will never leave us in this battle until we, my family, has fully gotten from the trauma..I am very grateful that even our friendship is virtual I feel that you’re here tapping my back..

      A great thanks bro..

  2. Bro, I admire your courage and faith during a very difficult time.I hope and pray for a speedy recovery for your brother, as well as for you and your family. To see your family suffer, being sick and going through hardships is heart breaking but with God and love of family, somehow we mke it through. Hang in there my friend.

  3. I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through John. I totally feel you. I have an uncle who has a case of mental illness. My ignorance on the matter made me feel scared and ashamed all because of the stigma that our society puts on mental illness. I also asked, “Why us? Why our family when we have dedicated ourselves to righteousness?” But then I also asked, would I be happier if it were somebody else out of our family who gets afflicted by this? Would I say, thank goodness it’s their family that’s going through this and not ours? So instead of worrying, we looked for ways to resolve the issue.

    Then comes awareness on the matter. Bad things happen to good people. No one is exempted from sickness. We all have our fair share of affliction; heart failures, asthma, skin diseases, colds etc. Mental Illness isn’t that bad as depicted in movies or the news. We just have to be aware about it so we would know how to get through it and avoid its adverse effects. I can say that our family is empowered about it now compared before.

    I’m glad that you, together with your family, are standing tall in facing this challenge and employing solidarity, faith, hope and love. I find it admirable for you to share about it. It takes a whole lot of courage and open-mindedness to share this matter. Yes, writing about it is therapeutic, I’m sure of that. Thanks John for contributing in making this matter be known for the awareness of all.

    I sincerely hope for your brother’s wellness. I am confident that your family will get through this and spend better days more than ever. A great day to you John!

    • John Tugano

      We never feel as if we have something to be ashamed of in the first place, Although there are some people who really looked down on us and on our situation. I cant blame those people on how are their beliefs being affected by that so called stigma. They can think whatever they wanted to think from us or they can say whatever harsh words they have. We really don’t care, what we care about is the welfare of my brother. Thanks June, I can really feel how you sympathize for us…People like you should be commended for the great empathy you have in your personality. I hope that every people may understand that this kind of illness is not something to laugh about. I hope everyone may be like you who do have a great understanding.. Fate is good on us now. My brother is doing ok and I believe with constant prayer we can push through… A heartfelt thanks to you my friend.! ________________________________________

      • Good to know that your brother is doing okay John. Providing genuine empathy is the least that I can do John. We all need friends to get by and I’m glad I can be the friend who could give the sympathy and understanding that you need.
        You’re welcome John! Anytime bro!

  4. hey John, i have been away from your blog for awhile, and just happened to stop by. life has gotten busy in my corner of the planet, and i am not able to read as many blogs posts as i would like. but here i am. sorry to hear about your bro and his illness, but happy to hear that he has found the treatment helpful. bless you all – may you all know strength and hope in each new day. and may you always know that God is for you.

    • P&k thanks for that message… Everything is well now and I do hope that it would last as good as it is now.God is great he never left us or let us feel alone… I HOPE that next year is a good year for us like no sickness and bad vibes at all.. I wish you a merry Christmas and happy new year to you my friend and to your family.

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