Of pretending and lying…


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I used to think that pretending is bad as it is equated to lying and lying, may it be white lie is still a sin of  which it is considered, literally and figuratively as a form of deception. Every one of us used to lie, pretend and deceive other people. We do it often without noticing that through this we also cheat ourselves where in the end (as always portrayed on telenovelas) turns out to be self –inflicted act where in the one who do such, becomes the pathetic victim itself.

But, did it ever occur to you, in your most awkward way of thinking that this certain act (pretending) can do a permanent good in contrary? Yes, it happened on me. I pretended and lied, got hurled in its influence and grasped the real essence of it. And yet the result it yielded was the opposite of what it seems to be the usual effect of telling a lie ­­­… it turns out beneficial in sort of a positive way.

Way back from my experience in High school, when I was shoved in an array of magnificent twenty four students, with bright and quick-witted, young minds; I seemed lost and have nothing to boast against their dazzling personalities and what I only take hold of is my confidence which from any minute I can tune up, like that of radio equalizer.

I was nothing compared to my classmates who were, from that time, sons and daughters of Instructors, Professors, Businessmen, and influential people in our town who have been in  contact with  our school system. How am I going to par with these bunch of lucky beings, so I can get myself recognized and reach the top  or if not, climb even the middle of academic ladder? That’s how I was – a typical ambitious student, attempting to seek place and recognition.

From the combination of innately intelligent people and the influential one, I could hardly penetrate and get on with what I call a challenge  to be on common level as them, thus what I did was to pretend and put up a front that I also have a mind that speaks of intelligence. Right then and there I pretended and acted like a smart person I want to be.

I remember one instance, when I told one of my classmates that I’m good in English; that I like poems, short stories, novels and the like. And that I like watching Hollywood movies  because I love the way they talk and that I have the talent to write  essays easily with words effortlessly flowing in my thoughts. All of that were utterly a lie and a figment of what I actually yearn to acquire for myself and a cover up to hide something which I ‘m ashamed of; my abhorrence to sense of logic, my stupidity when it comes to numbers or shall I say Mathematics.

I dislike numbers and the science of it, thus I need to be good in something else. And that I made up my mind that I should try the English subject if I would do well. If not with the science of numbers why not try the science of words.

The first ever novel that forced me to like reading.

The first ever novel that forced me to like reading.

Kate, a seatmate and a friend lent me a novel “Island of the blue dolphins” authored by Scott O’ Dell on which she wants me to read as I have told her I love reading, though I’m just being pretentious. She wants me to perceive the story the way she does as she truly adore its storyline and on how O’ Dell presented visually the story to her.

The hypocrisy on me was tested by then. Do I really love books? I haven’t read any except our textbooks and it’s just by that point of time that I need to read, again to cover up what I pretended earlier. “Island of the blue dolphins” was the first novel to land on my hands, the first for my fingers to have touched and the first for my eyes to catch a sight of. It was because of pretending that I forcibly scrolled over its pages to discern what my friend Kate considers a kind of story which is beautiful.

It was terrible I swear! I spent three weeks and a half without ceasing, reading the dictionary and the novel itself. So many unfamiliar words loomed before my eyes that I could drown in exasperation looking for its meaning. It was a torture. Had I not feigned about being good in English and liking novels I could have save myself from idiocy.

After the odds of being hurtled into a strange world of words, I was able to retract myself and trace the path to familiarity – in short I finally get through with the novel. The experience wasn’t bad at all. It was then that I proved my confidence, as my saving grace. If not because of it I could have declined reading Scott O’ dell’s masterpiece and admit to being fake. Good thing I pretended which after all has paved my way to really liking English and all sorts of literary works. From then my worship for books was developed, my longing to read has increased and my love for writing has become unceasing.

I may have gone far pretending and lied at first I believe it is ok, because now I can say it’s for real.

 

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Of pretending and lying…

  1. First of all, I must say that I like your choice of words. It’s elegant yet spot on. You choose your words not just for aesthetics but for the substance they actually bear. I rarely read nowadays the kind of writing that you have which is really refreshing for me. I savor your every thought and I liken it to a vegetable salad that’s all good and makes me feel proud every time I partake a portion of it. Your writing never fails to satiate me. :-)

    I personally think that the word or term LIE is just a label that has been antagonized because of it’s commonly used negative connotations. A lot would beg to differ but I believe ‘Lying’ as an act is amoral. It becomes moral or immoral depending on how it is used. It’s usage tends for it morph into another stronger or lighter term.

    Lying becomes immoral when it is used to deceive for an evil cause thus the terms, deception, betrayal and the likes. It could be moral on the other hand. Let’s take Mr. Schindler, he lied to save hundreds of lives from the holocaust. We sometimes lie to hold a surprise party to our loved ones as one subtle way of telling our loved ones “I love you”. We sometimes lie to lighten up the burdens of those who are in pain or those who experienced loss.

    In the olden days the rulers want to impose on the thoughts of many that lying is totally immoral or sinful so it’s easier to control their people or constituents and that it would make rebellion and conspiracies easier to control.Then they put them into writing to somehow make them appear infallible.

    Lying on other positive term can be also called restructuring your perspective. When something bad happens and everything seems hopeless, we tell ourselves that everything is okay or will be alright although it’s a struggle for us to believe that but it has its positive effects.

    Just like what happened to you, it was an unlikely means for you to lie but it lead you to discovering things that made you better as a writer and as a person. ;-)

    Thanks for sharing John and for provoking my thought to share.

    P.S.
    I might post this comment in my blog. My comment makes a bit of sense for me. :-)

    • Whoa! Speechless…

      I dont know what to say, you have said it all. Hehe.. When I was young I was forced to buy that idea on which lying on whatever form it is, always depicts a negative notion, regardless of whatever purpose it may serve. Perhaps it is because of the influence my parents or other member of my family instilled in me. I became close minded that I fully believed on it until your idea made me see and understand that it is on the way how that certain act was used and you’ve got a point in there.

      Thanks by the way for appreciating my work, it feels good when someone whom I consider a versatile writer takes time to read and even leaves a positive thought on what i have written..

      I couldn’t help myself but smile..thanks as always, June.

      • Naks! You’re welcome and thank you for the kind words. Twas really my pleasure though.

        I would like to point out though that as much as possible, we don’t say that lying is okay, specially to the young ones because there’s still a tendency that it will be taken out of perspective. We still should promote honesty as the best policy (although there are exceptions to the rule like what I said, but then again, most of what I said are off-the-record, an unwritten personal philosophy about the matter. ;-) ). However, when persons lie, we don’t necessarily label them as evil or condemn them. It’s always wise to know their reasons because after all if their actions were too grave there are still legal sanctions to them. I’m not saying we should be lenient about lying, I’m just saying let’s be a little understanding. :-)

        Thanks and Take Care John!

      • oops, I meant “care-free” instead of “lenient”. :-)

  2. ferdz

    hello John,
    i was deeply moved by your article posted at http://opinion.inquirer.net/71244/superheroes. in fact i am a breadwinner as well for quite a long time.

    indeed we are a hero :))

    can i have your Fb account please if you dont mind.

    this is ferdz based in the Kingdom of Bahrain. thanks

    Ferdz Arazo

  3. Life puts us in situations where we need to pretend. I did my share and I think of our intentions are good and we hope to create something good then it’s worth it. Of course, there’s that other group that will say,”No, that ain’t okay.” But I believe we all had some kind of pretending in our lifetime. It’s just a matter of accepting that we did and honest enough to admit it. Great post.

  4. You have all the reasons to say that you love English now, bro. Need I say more?

    Funny how we look so alike with your love of the English language. I, too, abhor Mathematics back in the day so I really had to perfect my sword in English. I still am in the process of perfecting it of course.

    Let us continue sharing our gift of gab through our stories, bro.

    KUDOS!

  5. As I read your masterful composition with much eloquence, I would say you have come a long way from that time you were reading a novel and a dictionary at the same time. Nice work. By the way, I read your article
    “Superheroes” in Daily Inquirer, and I have only deep respect for you. And for that expensive coffee? You’re not missing anything. You’ll be sipping something much better – the brew of triumph.

  6. Wonderful composition! I am laughing out loud because I can so much relate to this. It’s like you’re speaking on behalf of me as I’ve have experienced this very same situation during high school; but you are far better than me in writing. It is only now that I decided to write my thoughts too. You are a brilliant writer. Experience+Wit=Excellence 👏

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