|As debilitating as it is I must, though almost unwilling, carry the burden of one cumbersome challenge that is hovering in my life now. Like a train marooned in one dark station, I feel like more of it being derailed and unable to act properly.Some people say that in life it is inevitable to escape major setbacks wherein one would endure some unbearable trials and yes, this is the certain scenario which I am into. As positive people would always say, “God will not give you a challenge unless you’re incapacitated to surpass it.” Cliche as it may sound but I do also believe in it making it as my mantra from now on.
Many of you my dear readers perhaps are being puzzled about what I am talking about. This is all about a problem that seems not to go away, problem that seems endless. Though, it is not about me nor about my frustrations still it pains me a lot more than I should. I hear many people say especially the elderly that it is better to go through a financial crisis than to endure a certain sickness in the family. Yes, I’m pertaining about health problems in particular. Who could stand the torment seeing one of your family members being tortured by such a dismal illness? It’s been months that we stayed and frequented the hospital after my brother was diagnosed with Major Depression.
“Why on billions of people this specific disorder seems to hit my brother?” that is the question often recurring in my thoughts. Are we too sinful to face this kind of specific challenge? Those were the illogical thinking I have made when first faced with the enigma of this trouble. I can’t blame myself to react like this and that because I am too worried and so are my family members. With same horrible puzzlement, my family and I were like floating in an unthinkable uncertainty.
My brother had a number of concerns, some were his frustrations, his wants and many of illogical ideas he wanted to do for the better of him. He seems envious about the victory of others and wants to do it the same way for himself. He has a growing concern about the status of our family, the health of my father and some of the troubles which before he tends to ignore.
We are caught unaware of his apprehensions that we neglect and became confused about the way he sees things. He worried much about his future especially about getting a job. He was jobless and he pity himself for that. He was constantly sad until he finds all things boring and has no life at all. The pleasure he gets from things he used to enjoy before was gone. He seems hopeless, useless and worthless that he developed inhibitions of terminating his existence. He thought of jumping at the building and several ideas of inflicting harm to his own self. He can’t sleep for several weeks causing him to be restless and agitated. He also had episodes of psychosis like delusions or wrong beliefs and by that we made him confined at the hospital.
The road to recovery…
From the combination of anti-psychotic and anti-depressant drugs somehow we found relief. But the process is such a long and vexing one. All the worries, fear and confusion while my brother is under medication is squeezing the life out of us. Good thing he responded with the prescription his psyche doctor has made. The thread like hope that my family members used to breathe has flourished making us believe that we can push through.We kept our faith glowing that by each minute we turn to God asking for divine assistance. I believe that by his intervention we got the miracle we are asking for. My brother is well now and by continuous medication…may it be by psychotherapy or by drugs I hope that everything will go back to normalcy.
During the chaos, we feel the hands of God carefully embracing us. We feel the ignition of hope brought by him and along the way there were angels in the form of human who helped us. God is really with us during that unimaginable trouble.
Going back on the track…
What we are going through is physically, mentally, emotionally and financially draining. But slowly I’m picking myself up again so I could also return from the usual. We are overwhelmed by this problem that each of our family members feels depressed too. Now as we walk forward we hope that everything will be okay. It’s such a relief to share what we’ve been through, it feels utterly therapeutic.